


meet me at the brick wall

by blueberrychan



Series: 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 .｡.:*☆ [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3RACHA, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bang Chan-centric, Bullying, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute Bang Chan, Eventual Happy Ending, Fights, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Han Jisung | Han is a Good Friend, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Lowercase, M/M, Multi, Protective Seo Changbin, Sad Bang Chan, Sad Han Jisung | Han, Seo Changbin is Whipped, Shy Bang Chan, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, artist!changbin, bullied chan, but still, chan gets beaten up, changbin shows up kinda late, childhood friends chansung, im sorry, injuries, its soft at the end, nothing too graphic or extreme, protective han jisung, theyre all whipped for each other tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26740165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueberrychan/pseuds/blueberrychan
Summary: at first chan didn’t know what he had done to make them this angry. maybe he had been an easy target. maybe they had also forgotten why they picked him by now. in the end it didn’t matter. what mattered was making sure he still had enough make-up left to cover up the especially bad bruises on his face. what mattered was making sure he still had enough money left to buy said make-up, since he ran out of it all the time. what mattered was being careful of not getting a heatstroke on hot days, because he couldn’t afford to wear short-sleeves since his teachers would notice the multiple contusions on his arms and legs and would then contact his parents. sometimes he didn’t know what was better: getting beaten to death or being burned alive.ORthe story of how three lost boys found homes in each other.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Series: 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 .｡.:*☆ [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922017
Comments: 20
Kudos: 164





	meet me at the brick wall

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i finally had a little time to work on this and i'm so happy it's finally completed. it's basically the backstory of the boys and how their relationship came to be, but you can also read it without reading any of the other fics in the series ofc. :)
> 
> quite a lot of this isn’t really realistic in any way, but if any of you guys have to deal with similar issues, please talk to someone you trust. nobody deserves bullying, and i’m always here for you. 
> 
> this isnt as soft as what i originally wanted the series to be, but once the idea got stuck in my head, i had to write it down. i will write a lot more cute drabbles about their life in the future tho and take a break from writing more angst for now lol. i already have a few ideas on their domestic life, but if any of you guys have an idea too, feel free to leave a comment! <3
> 
> im sorry for any language mistakes or typos, but its currently 3 am and i really want to post this without reading it again ksjddfjhahalsdkjfk. i hope you enjoy tho!! <3 (and im so sorry for making chan suffer like this omg)

it started in primary school. at first chan didn’t know what he had done to make them this angry. sometimes he still didn’t know, even though he was already in his last year of high-school. he figured they simply didn’t like the way he was so soft. maybe he had been an easy target. maybe they had also forgotten why they picked him by now. in the end it didn’t matter. what mattered was making sure he still had enough make-up left to cover up the especially bad bruises on his face. what mattered was making sure he still had enough money left to buy said make-up, since he ran out of it all the time. what mattered was being careful of not getting a heatstroke on hot days, because he couldn’t afford to wear short-sleeves since his teachers would notice the multiple contusions on his arms and legs and would then contact his parents. sometimes he didn’t know what was better: getting beaten to death or being burned alive. 

he can still remember what his parents told him when he was young. if people would be mean to him, he has to stand up for himself and tell them off. be the bigger one and smarter one. the one time he did stand up for himself ended with a broken arm of his which he played off as a bike accident.

jisung moved into the house next to him when chan only had one year left at primary school. the other had only been one year younger than chan and they quickly became friends over the course of summer break. chan never told jisung out-right, but he had been his first friend. (jisung has always known.) they spent their time in the woods nearby, acting out fairytales in which they had to rescue chan’s dog berry from a horrible dragon, camping out near the lost little house that stood empty in the middle of it and lacked a roof. the hut’s red brick wall was full of spray paint and the two boys would spent hours making up stories about how runaway children would spent their nights there and leave their signature as graffiti once they moved on. they even put some old furniture into it that was left over from jisung’s tree house he had left behind in his hometown. the old hut became their own secret little hideout and they spent the rest of the summer break meeting up at it in the early mornings, leaving only when the sun was already hidden behind the high trees covering them. 

once school started, chan expected jisung to find new friends. the younger had always been outgoing, extroverted and a social butterfly. chan told himself to not be disappointed and mentally prepared himself for another year of being lonely at school. he had managed to survive he last few years, so another one wasn’t going to be the hardest quest. it still hurt, considering it was the first time he had ever spent the break with a friend, but he promised himself to not show jisung any sad feelings. as long as the other was happy, chan would be okay.

turns out, things didn’t quite go how chan expected them to. the two went to school together, parting their ways only when they had to go to different classrooms. once lunch break rolled around, chan went to his usual place in the corner of the cafeteria, not bothering to look out for jisung. the other boy would surely already have a group to sit with, so chan didn’t worry too much about him. thankfully, the cafeteria was usually full of teachers, so he was left without any trouble and could enjoy his food – alone, but still better than unwanted company. he sat down and pulled his sandwich out, planning on eating it quickly so he could go to his next classroom early. what he didn’t expect was a body latching itself onto chan. “hyung!” jisung had called out. “i missed you so much already!”

chan had only suppressed a smile. 

later that day, jisung ranted about how no one at school was as fun as his hyung and that he was bored out of his mind during class. he waited all day for lunchbreak since that was the only time he could see the other. chan never told jisung how he had cried at home out of happiness that night. he was sure, jisung knew anyways.

after that the boys became inseparable. they spent days and nights together, not needing anyone else. it seemed perfect to chan, who felt like he had finally found his soulmate after being alone for so long. 

unfortunately for him though, the bullying didn’t stop. 

shortly after the school year begun, his bullies were caught beating another boy from chan’s class. it resulted in them not being as handy with him as before, leaving the bullying with curses, name calling and him being pushed into lockers. chan could deal with paper balls being thrown at his head or his lunch-money being stolen. his biggest fear at this point was the others getting a hand on jisung, and he made sure to say thank you towards the sky each day jisung was safe. 

normally, school would feel endless to chan. happiness passed by quickly, but pain didn’t come with the same advantage. he felt like he had already aged twice as much as his classmates in the last years of elementary school, maturity taking over his mind in a way a young boy like him wasn’t supposed to experience. but this year was different. chan never knew how much joy life could gift to you when you had a friend.

he felt endless with jisung by his side. having someone to talk to besides his family, someone he held so dear to his heart and would do anything for was a first to him. him and jisung spent every minute together if they were able to, doing dumb things children would do such as playing a prank on the mean auntie next door, climbing into each other’s room when their parents were already asleep and lying down in the fields to imagine the clouds painting a picture.

chan never told jisung about the bullying. he knew the younger was loved by everyone, students and teachers alike, and it was already enough that people saw them hanging out at school together. if anything would happen to jisung because of being friends with chan, he would never be able to forgive himself. thankfully he had already mastered lying in the past few years and knew what kind of excuses to use if his sleeve rolled up a little too much and showed purple marks. he was happy enough with the way the beatings reduced themselves to few times every couple of months instead of being the consistent weekly occurrence like they were before.

things changed for the worse after he enrolled in middle school, shortly after he turned fourteen.

jisung’s family and his had an amazing summer in which they decided to take a trip together to busan, spending their time by the sea. it was the best summer he’d ever had and he returned home without a single worry inside of his head. not caring on whether or not his bullies would go to the same middle school as him, he slept tightly on his last summer night, the only small thing nagging at his heart being the fact that it would take another year for him and jisung to be reunited again. but they would see each other after school all the time anyways, so it didn’t matter a lot. 

chan got beat up worse than ever on the first day of middle school.

this year was hell. if he thought that he suffered in his last school, he was utterly wrong. 

It felt like fate was laughing into his face, when multiple of his classmates turned out to be the same people from primary school who would have way too much fun making his life harder. random teasing turned into some of the worse slurs he’d ever heard, throwing stuff at him turned into getting his head dunked under dirty mob water, shoves and light punches turned into broken noses, bruised ribs and him gasping for breath as he was lying on the floor behind his school, face full of tears. this time they didn’t steal his lunch money, but rather his watch and shoes, and at some point chan wondered if they didn’t also stole his dignity. it was getting harder and harder to hide these things from his parents. excuses piled over new excuses, his lying got excessive and he couldn’t even look them into the eye anymore. 

he was embarrassed, ashamed, mortified and scared. he didn’t know how he could hide it from jisung also, as the younger wouldn’t leave chan alone, climbing into his room nearly every day and going over to his house after school. chan wanted to tell him, wanted to let everything out and not be alone anymore, but jisung was younger than him and chan was the one who’s supposed to protect him. not only that, but chan felt pathetic. he couldn’t even defend himself, he was too much of coward to try again after what happened the last time. he couldn’t let jisung know. the younger would view chan differently, not as the calm and fun hyung he was before, but rather as a weak and sad boy who didn’t know what life wanted from him. he just couldn’t. 

so he drifted away from jisung. 

or at least chan thought he did. 

it didn’t even take jisung more than two weeks, until he startled chan awake from a restless sleep in the middle of the night by knocking continuously on his window. 

once he was conscious enough, chan quickly scrambled to the window and opened it, only to see a pouty small jisung sitting in the tree in front of chan’s room he always used to climb up to his window. before chan could even open up his mouth, he was already interrupted by jisung. 

"we’re meeting at the brick wall in fifteen minutes, no excuses."

with that he slid down from the tree, leaving chan with an open mouth, still confused from the sleep. he stood in front of his window for a second, until he rushed to his closet and pulled out a hoodie. throwing it over his head, he made his way downstairs and quickly put on his shoes, grabbing another jacket of his for jisung, since the other didn’t seem to wear anything else than a thin shirt and the nights were getting colder, considering it was mid-october. 

chan knew the way to the brick wall in his sleep, going there nearly every day since jisung showed up in his life. it was still the old little hut in the woods near their houses, so it didn’t took him longer than five minutes to arrive. jisung was already sitting on the leave-covered floor in front of the hut, arms slung around his knees in order to keep himself warm. chan passed him with jacket without a word and sat down next to him. 

“i’m sorry.”

jisung looked at him, the jacket already wrapped tightly around him. “i don’t think you have to be sorry, hyung. but if you’re having a hard time right now, you should tell me.”  
when chan didn’t immediately reply, jisung simply pulled him into a tight hug. “you don’t have to tell me what’s exactly wrong right now,” he said. “i get it, really. but please don’t just leave me alone, hyung.”

even though there were tears in his eyes, chan hugged him back and smiled. “never, sungie,” he whispered thickly. “i’ll never leave you just like that.”

the topic was forgotten after that. he didn’t tell jisung about the horror he experienced every day at school that night. in fact he never actually told the boy himself, until jisung found out about it a few years later. 

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

it happened after jisung’s seventeenth birthday. he had just enrolled in highschool, while chan was already in his second year. he felt old, being eighteen. it was ridiculous, but chan couldn’t help himself. it felt like the years were passing by too slow and too quickly at the same time. 

when he got used to middle school, things started to fall into a routine. after the first incident, chan knew he would never make the same mistake of trying to push jisung away again. he realized after a while that his personal bullies didn’t have any intention of making jisung their victim too. it was no real secret that the two were friends, but since jisung was practically friends with most of his class, it also wasn’t incredibly obvious. the two boys didn’t even share the same lunch break most of the time, which meant they usually spend the rest of their day outside of school together. 

it also meant chan had his ways of keeping his secret.

he got used way too quickly to the new style of bullying and adapted to it. the little pocket money he had that didn’t get snatched away from him, wasn’t spend on pokémon figurines anymore, but rather on cheap drug store make up that would cover most of his bruises. he started to wear black, long clothes, playing it off as a weird phase he was in to his parents, rather than the fact that all he wanted to do was hide in them, trying his hardest to be invisible in school. he started to learn how to ignore pain, treat his wounds himself, making sure nothing got too serious so he wouldn’t have to go to a doctor. so he bit the insides of his mouth and tried not to show the pain in his eyes, when he walked normally instead of limping like his body was begging him to do. he didn’t flinch when jisung would throw himself onto chan and his elbow hit an especially bad bruise on his side. he turned his face away when he got pushed next to the trash cans behind the school, so he wouldn’t have to explain a black eye. 

chan was sixteen when he realized he was in love with jisung.

thinking back, it was no surprise to him. he spend day and night with the other, knowing every detail about from the way his eyes would sparkle when he laughed to how the corner of his lip would twitch shortly before he started crying. he had seen jisung live through every emotion possible; pure laughter when he and chan would lie on their backs trying to catch their breaths after watching a bad comedy show, anger when his parents forbid him from sneaking out at nights to chan’s after they caught him coming back home one night and sadness when chan and him got separated again after the older boy finished middle school. chan knew jisung probably better than himself, knew his dreams, his fears, what made him happy and what frustrated him the most in this world. and most importantly, chan knew that without jisung he didn’t know if there was a reason to live anymore.

the night that he realized he was in love, he screamed into his pillow, tears soaking right through it and didn’t even go to school the next day. 

it didn’t get any easier after that, but also not harder. every touch jisung placed on him suddenly started to burn and feel soft at the same time. chan couldn’t help the red color tinting his cheeks and ears when jisung would press a kiss on his cheek, which he did often, but now that chan was hyper-aware of basically _anything_ jisung did in his presence, it felt different. he’d suddenly get shy when the other grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the hut at which they still met all the time even though it has already been five years since they discovered it. 

a part of chan hated himself for feeling this way. another couldn’t help but love the way his heart would flutter at night time when he couldn’t sleep and the single thought of jisung would be enough to calm him down. 

for chan, things could be worse right now. while waking up in the mornings and realizing he had to go through another day of hell at school was agonizing every single time, he clung to the hope that it would get better in the future. he knew that his relationship with jisung would never change, he was okay with that. the other had already gotten more than a few confessions from girls and boys alike, even though he constantly turned them down which confused chan. but at the same time he figured that jisung was probably just waiting for the right one to turn up and didn’t want to waste his time on meaningless dating. as long as jisung was happy, chan didn’t mind to live with an aching heart. 

chan never noticed the longing stares jisung would give him or the way he’d hold chan’s hand a little tighter and longer each time he grabbed it. he never noticed the way Jisung would completely ignore his studies and school work so he could spend every possible minute with the older boy, or the way he looked at him like chan was the sun and the moon and the stars all at the same time.

alas, chan knew that the calm was usually followed by a storm. while his version of calm included bruises which weren’t as bad as they could be, it was better than being beaten badly enough to get hospitalized. unfortunately that was exactly what happened.

it started with a nasty rumor and to this day he didn’t know who spread it or even for what reason. he didn’t expect to walk into class one day and get stares from everyone around him. it wasn’t the most unusual, even though his classmates usually tended to avoid him to not get caught up with his bullies as well. it was the way they stared at him in disgust, looking at him in a way he already wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. it was the whispers which he could hear so clearly that he was convinced they made sure to be loud enough on purpose. 

“i heard he’s gay.”

“so he likes boys?”

“did you know already? i mean look at him, it’s pretty obvious.”

chan spend the rest of the school day trembling in fear and cold sweat, trying to make himself as small as possible on his chair.

it felt like multiple eternities had passed when the school bell finally rang after his last lesson. he had spent his break in the bathroom, too scared to make a move into the cafeteria. he knew what his bullies thought of people like him. he also knew what would happen next. 

no matter how fast he was trying to make his way home, the others were faster. he let out a yelp when they pulled him backwards on his backpack, dragging him into a lonely narrow street, that was only a few block away from the one he lived in, and throwing him onto the floor. the first kicks started, when the first insults fell, quickly turning into horrible slurs. suddenly they were everywhere, pulling chan up again, grabbing his arms so he wasn’t able to move using his stomach and face to let out their anger. he tried to breathe but even that seemed too hard to do when his nose was full of blood and he could feel his ribs poking at his lungs. 

he was thankful that he started to lose consciousness after a while. the last thing he saw were a pair of legs and a flower bouquet that dropped onto the blood stained concrete in front of him. 

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

chan woke up in the hospital. his vision was blurry, head pounding and his body sore in a way he just wanted to sleep for the next few days. when he tried to move, he noticed he wasn’t able to, breath picking up quite a bit and panic settling in. he didn’t know where he was, what was going on or why he couldn’t lift a single finger.

“hey, hey, easy,” a rough voice called out from his left. chan tried to turn his head the best he could and was met with the sight of a boy on a bed next to him. “i’ll call a nurse and tell them you woke up.”

chan stared at the other, not being quite able to make out anything besides his outline. he heard a snort, “you’re still full of pain killers, huh? they got you quite bad.” 

he didn’t notice time passing, but at some point he lost consciousness again. the next time he woke up, the world seemed clearer and there was another person standing on front of him. 

“bang chan.” they seemed to be a doctor. “can you focus on me?”

turns out he blacked out for two days after he got beaten up. the reason why he couldn’t move was because they had to basically bandage his whole body up. he had a broken arm, two broken rips on his left side, a broken nose and multiple contusions and sprains all over his body. not to mention they managed to mess up his face quite a bit, with it now being decorated with a black eye, split lip and eyebrow and a bruised cheekbone.

generally, all he could feel was numbness, since they kept giving him painkillers which he was grateful for. 

once he was aware enough of his surroundings, they brought his parents in. his mom was a mess of tears and she only stopped hugging him after he groaned in exhaustion. after that they talked for until the visiting time was over, fully ignoring the boy on the bed next to chan who seemed to be occupied with his laptop anyways. his mom made him promise to tell them everything in detail once he got out of the hospital, noticing how he didn’t want to talk about it yet. for now, the priority was his recovery. he fell asleep quickly after they left, the tiredness taking over him in seconds.

when he woke up the next morning, he saw the boy still sitting upright with his laptop in his lap. the device looked like it was attached to a drawing tablet which made chan curious, but he was still too shy to ask. he opted for a small “good morning” instead, which made the other turn his head towards him and smile. “good morning!” he exclaimed, a little too loud for the small room they were staying in, but chan didn’t mind. “sleep well?”

chan nodded timidly. “yeah,” he said, and tried to sit up a little. “and you?”

“bold of you to assume i slept at all.” 

chan’s eyes widened and he was about to splutter an apology, when the other continued. “i had a rare rush of inspiration right as i was about to go to sleep, and just had to let it out before i lost it,” he explained and turned his tablet a little into chan’s direction. it was full of amazing designs of what looked like cartoon characters which made him stare in awe. chan was also able to actually look at the other properly for the first time.

his roommate was sitting criss-cross on his bed, dressed in loose joggers and a big grey hoodie. his black hair was styled in an undercut, bangs falling into his eyes and as he gave chan a crooked smirk. if chan wasn’t still so drowsy, he would’ve surely had a harder time breathing; his roommate looked _good._

“oh, i’m changbin, by the way.”

the other smiled at him. “i’m chan.”

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

changbin was amazing company. he managed to distract chan from the pain that started to slowly creep back into his limbs as the morning hours passed on and told him all about how he’s dreaming of opening a tattoo parlor once he graduated. he was the same age as chan, but went to a different school at the other end of the city. said boy was more than amazed by the designs changbin showed him, which were all things he wanted to tattoo on himself once he was able to.

his roommates an interesting person, sometimes a little loud and excited, other times mindful and attentive, especially when he listened to chan talking. and talking they did, about anything and everything. chan was surprised at how much they seemed to have in common, ranging from their favorite shows to their love for food. it was exciting for him, given that the last time he made a new fiend was around five years ago when jisung suddenly showed up in his street. 

chan found out changbin was admitted to the hospital a few days before chan because of his appendix. he didn’t ask chan what happened to him to be beaten black and blue, but the other was pretty sure changbin already knew since his mother wouldn’t stop talking about how the boys who did that to him needed a proper punishment.

“what are your dreams?” changbin asked at some point which made chan halt in his movements. 

up until now chan’s life had only ever centered around the present. whether it being because he didn’t have the energy to think about the future when he already had to deal with so much in the present or because he liked living in the here and now when he spent time with jisung.

the thought of the his friend made him smile slightly. chan wondered what jisung was currently doing.  
“i think i want to do something with music,” chan said after a while, changbin waiting patiently as he could practically see the thoughts rushing through the other boys eyes. “it’s one of the only things that ever made me feel sane.”

the day passed by like that, the two boys going from normal conversations to joking around in a similar way jisung and chan would. thinking about the other quieted chan down which changbin noticed. suddenly he sat up straighter in his bed, the bowl of peanut flips in his lap nearly spilling onto his blanket. “i can’t believe I forgot to tell you!” he exclaimed, eyes wide. “the day before you woke up there was a boy here!”

chan mirrored him and sat up from his leisure position. “what?”

“they wouldn’t leave anyone besides your parents into the room, but there was this boy who literally _shoved_ the nurses to get in,” changbin informed him, hands gesturing dramatically. “

"he was around this tall and had this weird fashion sense, which kinda looked cool but at the same time not really…" changbin trailed off. "anyways, he was practically sobbing when he saw you lying here. it looked like right out of a moving scene, to be honest, with him being completely soaked rainwater and everything, since it was really stormy that day." 

changbin put another peanut flip into his mouth and chewed slowly. "they said he’s the one that found you."

chan started smiling when he heard jisung‘s description, but it froze once he heard the last sentences. jisung crying because of him was bad enough already, but him being the one who found him drove chan nearly into madness. he couldn’t believe jisung had to go through such thing, considering how badly they beat chan. he didn’t want the younger to have a memory like this of him. he needed to talk to jisung as soon as he could. chan needed to apologise.

"thank you for telling me," he said to changbin in a trembling voice. 

the other quickly sensed something was wrong as his face reflected worry. "hey, don’t think too much. you’ll be able to have visitors besides your parents tomorrow, and i’m sure you’ll be able to meet him." he slid down from his own bed and grabbed his laptop of the bedside table, climbing gently as not to hurt him into chans. "let’s watch a movie."

chan send him a thankful smile and was amazed at the way the other could sense his mood change so quickly. changbin was right, he would have a chance to see jisung tomorrow and until then he only had two options: enjoy a movie with changbin, who already felt like a friend, or not get a single minute of sleep tonight because he was too worried about what happened. 

so he let changbin slide under his blanket and stole a peanut flip out of his bowl. 

they didn’t know each other a lot yet, but for some reason chan‘s heart was beating in a way he was only used to when he thought of a specific person.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

“i’m so sorry, hyung,” jisung let out another sob. “i should have known. It was so obvious, the way you were always in pain and i just-“ he curled over, eyes pressed together as he tried to not sob again. “i just never thought anything of it.”

chan felt tears pooling in his eyes. the sight of jisung crying has always made himself cry too. He grabbed the other by his shoulders, pulling him even closer than he already was and pressed his face into jisung’s chest.

“stop it,” he whispered with a thick voice, tears already soaking into jisungs shirt. “this isn’t your fault.”

the younger pressed his cheek on top of the crown of chan’s head, body still wrecking with sobs of regret. they stayed like this for a while, snuggled together in chan’s hospital bed which was pretty uncomfortable considering they had to be careful because of said boys injuries, but they couldn’t care less. he was about to fall asleep, exhausted after crying for so long once jisung bust into his room thirty minutes earlier, changbin thankfully being on a walk, jisung’s face crumbling when he saw his hyung in that state. then he spoke, startling chan.

“we have to talk about this, hyung. you have to tell me, please, so i can help you.” his voice was soft, even when layered with sadness. he pulled away a tiny bit so could look at chan, face only being a few centimeters away from the others. chan could make out every pore in jisung’s face, the deep eye bags he carried and his chapped lips, which were always a little dry from his habit of biting them. he averted his eyes, trying to find a quick excuse that wouldn’t sound too made up, when jisung gently pulled his chin up. “i know what you’re thinking,” he whispered, fresh tears already in his eyes. “but i’m begging you, channie, no more lies.”

a few moments passed in which chan was desperately thinking of how he could make this situation any better. he spent years hiding this from jisung, his only goals ever being to not be a burden to the younger, to not be weak and pitiful. 

but jisung had already seen. he had been the one to find chan, laying in a puddle of blood, unconscious, surrounded by his classmates that only backed off after jisung pushed them into the walls and called the police. he had already seen chan in the worst moment of his life and he was currently seeing him, bandaged up, eye still swollen, face still purple, yellow and blue. 

the noise chan let out was more similar to a weep rather than a sob. 

“i don’t know what i did to make them this mad,” he cried, jisung pulling him even closer. “it’s been so long, it’s been _years_ and i still don’t know what i did to deserve this.” he could feel jisung’s chest under his shaking with suppressed crying and slung his arms around the other. “any time I wake up and have to live through it again i want to _die_ , god, jisung, i don’t know what to do anymore.” the other didn’t let him out of his embrace for even a second, keeping chan safe as he talked. he let out everything that had built up in his life, all the pain, all the hurt and the horror he went through. he knew that he would probably regret talking later, but he couldn’t stop, this being the first time in his entire life not holding himself back. “it’s been going on for so long, I don’t even remember how long, and everyday they’d say these things to me and their punches and kicks hurt so much, and i don’t know what kind of lies and excuses i already used that i tell you every day, and lying to you has been getting so much harder-“

chan felt like he was choking, like there were hands gripping his throat, an all too familiar feeling which made him cry even harder. “i just want everything to stop. i just want to sleep and never wake up again.”

suddenly he got pushed into his mattress, jisung’s red face hovering over him, a pained grimace. He looked like he had seen a ghost with pure terror reflecting in his face. chan felt tears dripping onto his face from above. “hyung, don’t say that,” jisung pleaded, “don’t _ever_ say you want to die, please, i’m begging you.”

chan couldn’t say anything as his face got cradled by jisung’s hands. “you are the most perfect human i have ever met,” jisung started, his lips curving into a sad smile. “i promise you they won’t ever touch you again, you hear? i swear, i’ll kill them if even lay a single finger on you, these bastards, i don’t understand how they got away with this for so long-“ he took a deep breath as to calm himself and not let his anger out on chan. “but i need you to know that you never deserved any of this. if there is a someone who deserves the world it’s gonna be you, hyung, i promise i’ll show you that. i’m so sorry i wasn’t there for you.” he wiped away chan’s tears that were rolling down the sides of his face with his thumbs and sniffed. “i won’t ever let something like this happen again.”

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

changbin and jisung didn’t get along at first. looking back, it was funny, but when it actually happened it stressed chan out to no end.

jisung spent the rest of the day with chan, even after changbin returned from his walk. he never questioned their swollen faces, but chan was sure he could assume what happened and simply didn’t want to be intrusive.

him and changbin talked like they normally would, the other telling him about the cute squirrels he saw at the hospital park, but chan quickly noticed the glances jisung would throw at changbin.

it didn’t help that the first thing changbin ever said to jisung was “oh, aren’t you the drama guy?” to which jisung asked back “what are you talking about?” and got a “i remember you showing up and literally bulldozing the staff out of the way to get into channies room.” back. jisung had only left out a huff at the nickname changbin had given chan, not being used to someone else saying it besides himself.

if chan wasn’t so oblivious, he would’ve noticed how jealous jisung was.

but he didn’t, so he tried to carry conversations with both of them, jisung still cuddled next to him and changbin laying leisurely in the bed next to them. it changed when changbin suddenly started talking about school.

“i have to go back there in two days already,” he groaned, arms stretching over his head and eyes closed. he let out an annoyed sigh. “i low-key hope i need another surgery, to be honest, the schoolwork i missed is way too much to catch up with.”

the mention of school nearly send chan into a whole panic attack. he didn’t even notice how he had begun to tremble until jisung pulled him closer. “hey, hey, it’s okay, hyung,” he murmured quietly. 

changbin send them a confused look. “is everything okay?”

chan could only nod, eyes half-lidded as he tried to stabilize his breathing. it was jisung who spoke up, careful he wouldn’t say the wrong thing. “it’s just that… there are some things going on at our school that aren’t so pleasant.”

changbin still looked confused for a second, until he understood. his mind quickly connected everything: from the way chan got delivered into the hospital obviously beaten up by someone, to his mom talking about contacting his school to suspend some students and jisung looking at him like he would murder him if he said a wrong thing to chan. of course he noticed the stares the other boy would give him whenever he would open his mouth or even do as much as lift an arm. 

“you’re being bullied, aren’t you?”

the question left his mouth before he could think, eyes widening in disbelief at himself. the other two looked at him in a similar way, the only difference being that jisung looked seconds away from bursting and chan just looking scared. “i- i’m so sorry, i can’t believe i said that, you don’t have to tell me anything-“ he got interrupted when chan let out a soft laugh.

“it’s okay. i was just shocked because i never hear anyone nor myself ever saying it out loud,” he said, and changbin could see how tired he was. before he could stop himself he blurted out, “why don’t you just transfer to my school?”

 _oh my god, what’s with him and being so obtrusive today?_ to his surprise it was jisung that actually didn’t look opposed to the idea. said boy turned his face down towards chan. “i don’t know if it’s just impulsive, but i actually think it would be quite a good idea, hyung.” turning towards changbin, he asked, “you live here too, right? which school do you go to?” while changbin told him the information he needed, chan’s thoughts were racing in his head.

he understood where jisung was coming from. the most important thing currently was to simply get away from his bullies, and even though only a few days have passed since the incident, chan was already sure he never wanted to see any of them again in his entire life. he had started dreading their face a long time ago, but getting thrown into the hospital because of them truly gave him the rest. he didn’t know if he could go through something like this again.

but who would assure him that a new school would actually mean peace? he had went through primary, middle and highschool school already with nothing changing. the bullying has always been there. while he knew deep down it was mostly because the same people who treated him in this horrible way also always did change their school with him, it didn’t exactly calm him down. he didn’t want to go back at all. he had never been this carefree in the last few years as he had been in the past two days in the hospital, changbin and jisung doing an amazing job at distracting him, the burden he had been carrying on his shoulders for his entire school life finally being lifted once he could tell someone. while there was already guilt nagging at his heart at the fact that he told jisung something he hid for literal years, he knew that at this point it couldn’t be avoided anymore. the younger had already seen too much and even though chan may be scared and worried, he was still reasonable. he did his best at hiding, but it had come to an end.

it was as if jisung could read his mind when pulled chan out of his thoughts. “i know this isn’t easy, hyung. but i feel like change is a good thing right now. and if you move schools, i will move with you.”

cha gaped at that. “you don’t have to! this will mess up your studies.”

all he got in return was a laugh from jisung, as he softly pushed chans curly hair away from his forehead. “i don’t care about any of that. you’ve always been my priority.” he thought for a second and then continued with, “if i wasn’t so lazy, i’d study twice as hard every day if it meant i could be in the same class as you.” which earned a laugh from changbin, making jisung smile in return. 

“i think it would be good for you guys,” changbin commented. “the students at my school are pretty chill. everyone’s pretty much occupied with their own stuff since it’s an arts highschool, with dance, music and actual painting and stuff. didn’t you say you’d like to do something with music in the future, chan? things like bullying just… really don’t take place.”

chan, even though he was still unsure, slowly nodded. “okay,” he said, looking at both jisung and changbin. he gave them a soft smile. “why not give it a try?”

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

it wasn’t all that easy at first. chan stayed in the hospital for a couple of more days and got dismissed only a day after changbin. during that time, jisung spent as much time with the other two as the visiting hours allowed. thankfully, the glares that he frequently threw at changbin quickly turned into smiles and hugs after he realized the older had no intention of harming chan. the three boys spent most of their time talking about whatever came to their minds. jisung was astonished by changbin’s designs and dreams of becoming a tattoo artists, and chan could already sense that the other would become even more interested in the future. it suited jisung, given that he had always had a talent for art in chan’s eyes. most of the time they’d watch some bad romance movie from the 2000s to make fun of and stuff themselves with the snacks jisung managed to sneak in. 

both chan and jisung’s parents were more than okay with them wanting to change schools, the news of the bullying chan had to endure shocking them to the bone. once he was back home, chan really had to get used to getting babied by his mother again and he could feel the guilt she carried for never noticing. even though it felt foreign, he was still thankful and not mad. in the end it wasn’t her fault.

school started quicker than he thought it would, only around two weeks after his dismissal. fortunately, the school accepted both of the boys into it even though it was in the middle of the school year – chan was sure his parents had a long talk with the principle to make him understand their situation, but he never asked. all that mattered was that he was finally free of going to the shit-hole that his old school was.

the day him and jisung entered the building, they were met with the sight of an excited changbin who nearly threw chan off balance, as the other was still limping quite a bit. thankfully his body had no problem healing, his face already being mostly back to its normal state, and his ribs and arm were doing well too. 

changbin looked different in a school uniform, in a good way, which made chan blush for a second until he got himself together again. the other boy showed them around in school and chan was amazed at the different courses they could choose. he was already excited to start his music production classes, jisung opting for traditional art as he was still amazed at changbin’s drawings. 

of course it wasn’t perfect. chan still woke up regularly from nightmares, still doubled checked if he still had his money left when it was time for lunch break and still flinched when someone would jokingly raise their hand. he had noticed both jisung and changbin throwing death-stares at students who would do as much as breathe wrong around chan. and if someone actually made a comment that felt like chan got punched in the guts, he didn’t notice the same student coming back the next day with a scared look in his eyes whenever jisung or changbin would pass him. chan wasn’t one for violence, so the other two made sure he never saw their bruised knuckles, if they actually needed to teach someone a lesson which happened rarely.

chan was happy in a way he hadn’t been for a long time.

and then one day, changbin confessed. to both of them.

it had been late february, the weather already starting to get a little less cold and the snow no longer in sight. it had been quite a few months since his hospitalization and his entry in the new school. since then jisung, changbin and him had spent basically every waking second together, much like chan and jisung used to. they took the bus together in the mornings which picked up changbin too half way; they’d get over with their school day and then drive back to jisung and chan’s street when the sun was already starting to set. chan didn’t mind his school days getting longer, as he found a new passion in music he didn’t know he had before. by now he was sure he wanted to become a producer, while jisung and changbin made a pact to start a tattoo parlor together once they finished highschool. even though it was usually already evening when the three boys made their way into the woods near chan and jisung’s street, they spent hours at the old little hut every day. 

changbin never felt like an addition to their friendship. rather, it was like he had been missing all along, with the three of them growing closer than chan and jisung ever were. it was something new, something chan couldn’t quite depict. until one random tuesday evening, when changbin suddenly broke the comfortable silence they were in with a, “i like you. both of you.”

they were sitting on top of the brick wall, cozied up in their warm jackets as the evenings were still quite cold. jisung was holding a cup of coffee-to-go in his hands which he nearly dropped as he whipped around to changbin, while chan only opened and closed his mouth like a fish. “huh?”

said boy took a deep breath before he continued. “i mean, i thought i made it quite obvious.” he sheepishly rubbed his neck with one hand. “i don’t really want to live with not telling you how i feel even if you don’t feel the same. but i hope we can still be friends, ‘cause i really don’t wanna lose you guys-“

“are you _kidding_ me?” jisung exclaimed, coffee nearly spilling over. “i wanted to confess first!”

“you what?,” changbin asked, dumbfounded. chan still looked at the two of them with wide yes, mouth finally manage to stay close. 

jisung threw his unoccupied hand into the air. “i have literally been in love with chan since day one, and then you suddenly came into our lives too and i realized that i love you _too_ , so i prepared this whole ass romantic confession that i wanted to do next week, but you just ruined that!”

changbin stared at him, before he broke out in laughter, body curling over and nearly falling off the brick wall. “you’re such dumbass, jisung.”

“thanks, i love you too.”

wiping a tear from the corner of his eye, changbin turned towards chan, who sat next to jisung and still looked like he was in a trance. “channie, are you okay? if this is too much right now or you need time, i completely understand and i’m jisung does too-“

“i- no!” chan exclaimed, suddenly being very aware of what was currently happening. “i just really didn’t expect this.”

jisung leaned over to him, grinning because he already knew the answer to the question he was about to ask. ”in a good or bad way?”

chan looked scandalized that jisung even ask such a thing. “of course in a good way!”

changbin grabbed at his chest where his heart was laying and let out a heavy breath. “you don’t know how relieved i am right now. i tried to be casual but, oh my god, i felt like my soul was about to leave my body for the whole day.”

chan giggled at his cuteness, which made jisung coo in return. 

it was later that chan learned jisung actually planned on confessing to him way earlier. chan had forgotten about the flower bouquet he saw the day the incident happened, but it had been the one jisung wanted to give to him, having it bought after school when he was making his way towards chan’s house. it was then that he heard chan’s screams and the rest was history. chan felt guilty about it at first, but was soon reassured it was not his fault with a lot of cuddles. he still couldn’t believe that he didn’t only gain a new friend this year, but actually two _boyfriends_. he’d definitely have to get used to that term. he’d also have to get used to the constant hand-holding changbin seemed to love or the random kisses jisung would plant onto his forehead, nose and lips throughout the day. it was soft and sweet and new, and each day chan woke up he felt a warm feeling settling into his chest.

the feeling spread into his whole body, comfortable and full of love as he watched at his two boyfriends bickering back and forth from where he was still sitting on the brick wall. he looked down a little to see the black _C+JS+CB=eternity_ which the three of them had sprayed onto the wall a while back, and smiled.

life was never easy on him, but right now he felt happy. and he had a feeling that it would last for a very long time.


End file.
